Rites of Passage at Home and in the Church

Serving in ministry offers a particularly unique position for pastors and leaders. We get to walk alongside people throughout various ages and stages. Youth ministry is arguably the, ahem, spiciest of those stages where students are changing in so many different ways. Throw in the hormonal angst that accompanies that growth and you’ve got a recipe for quite a surprise on the other side once students reach the young adult years.

Some students continue in the faith. Others abandon it. While the theological foundation we’re offering our students is one of the key components of long term faith, I want to propose that there might be overlooking a significant piece of the equation. 

That is, the issue of identity formation. We already know that there are significant psychological changes during the adolescent years as they explore and test out who they are and want to be. We know that the landscape of current youth culture is looking pretty grim with record numbers suffering from loneliness, anxiety, depression, and a host of other mental health struggles. 

Now, what if there was something the church and parents could do to help solidify teenagers’ identity formation upon the Christian faith?

That’s where rites of passage come in. 

What are Rites of Passage?

Simply put, rites of passage are a ceremony or event marking an important stage in someone's life. 

To us in modern society, rites of passage may feel like an antiquated or nonChristian idea, something that we may hear about from other religions (like a bar mitzvah) or an indigenous group (a difficult task to initiate their young people into adulthood). This misunderstanding is largely due to the breakdown that we have seen in familial structure over the last century. 

In today’s culture, identity is not primarily cultivated within the bounds of tribe or extended family. Identity formation has shifted to an individualistic society where you can be whoever you want to be, regardless of where you came from. I truly believe that this has proven so detrimental to young people because they are left to navigate the tides of life without an anchor. Knowing where you come from, whose you are, and why you believe what you believe matters. These things can positively shape the core of who you are. The challenge that stands before churches and parents is working out how to do that in the cultural context we inhabit while also pulling in the community. 

Now, do I think we need to create elaborate ceremonies for our young people to initiate them into certain stages of their lives? No! In Deuteronomy chapter 6 we are called to pass on the faith to the younger generation and the means by which this is to happen is simple: incorporating faith into the rhythms we already live. 

Rites of passage can be easily integrated into what we are already doing as churches and families. When parents and churches can collaborate together to facilitate the next generation’s identity formation within the framework of faith, community, and family. 

Rites of Passage in the Family

For families, the challenge is to parent with an end goal in mind. Who do we want our children to be by the time they reach the young adult years and what do we want them to be able to do? What kind of Christian do we hope for them to become? Who are the people that we are raising them around and how might those voices speak into our children positively? 

Obviously, these aren’t a recipe for making our kids Christians, but working backward from those desires can be helpful in discerning a few key moments to mark the milestones and transitions. Here are a few examples:

1. Puberty

This is an inescapable season where so much change is happening socially, emotionally and physically. Wouldn’t it be great if we, as parents, met our children at the forefront of those big changes and celebrated them instead of bemoaning those turbulent years? This is a poignant opportunity to speak into this phase with Christ-centered guidance to walk our kids through what’s about to happen to them and prepare them to get to the other side. 

This is where things like the sex talk come in. For girls, having women around them to celebrate the day the physical signs of becoming a woman happen can be so beneficial. This is where bolstering students with community comes into play—men or women who can speak into them in an age where they are going to be looking to hear from voices beyond mom and dad. Due to the sensitive nature of puberty, this rite of passage will be less public than others. Depending on that child’s personality, this can be a meaningful (even if somewhat awkward) moment for appropriate and trusted family members to celebrate your child’s transition into adolescence. 

2. Graduation

The initiation into young adulthood can be an obvious one: high school graduation. Teenagers crave independence, and this is a time for it to be given more fully. Parents can celebrate this great accomplishment by calling them up into adulthood. 

Parenting with the end in mind should mean our teenagers are taking on more responsibility throughout their teen years, culminating in high school graduation. This appropriately involves unpleasant responsibilities like paying for their own car insurance. But it’s also another opportunity to foster their decision-making, along with the consequences of those decisions without parents swooping in to the rescue. 

Finally, it’s an opportunity for the greater community of Christian men or women who have been ministering to that student to celebrate and support them as they enter adulthood. It’s also a time to communicate “you belong here,” so that graduate knows that whatever twists and turns may come in life, they’ll always have a faith family to return to. 

Rites of Passage in the Church

1. Infant Dedication/Baptism and Baptism/Confirmation

These are two well-established markers of faith within most churches. These rites of passage are milestones where something significant is happening in the life of that student. The family and then the individual are recognizing God’s calling on that young man or woman’s life. The first is a hope-fueled prayer, and the second is its fulfillment. This is a joyful opportunity for the greater church body and parents can gather around to celebrate and affirm what God is doing in that young person’s life. 

2. Transitioning from Children’s Ministry to Youth Ministry

Another way to incorporate markers for students and families are “move up” dates like a student’s first time in Sunday school after graduating from the nursery, their first time at youth group as a middle schooler as well as their last as a high school senior. These are also opportunities for that gathering of believers to make a big deal of what is happening. 

As church leaders, we can cast this vision for these life milestones to become rites of passage so that parents can see (and take!) the opportunity to help their son or daughter direct their identity formation around faith in Jesus. 

Good youth ministry is intergenerational. In modern society, where large extended families share the upbringing of the youth are almost non-existent, the church becomes the village. We are the family of God; brothers and sisters to one another. So, what would it look like for youth workers, the church body, and parents to intentionally celebrate milestone moments for students as they progress from child to adult?

The examples above are just that – examples. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list of rites of passage or milestone moments, but to prompt churches and parents to think intentionally about how the community of faith can partner in the identity formation process of the next generation.