Fun and Games in Youth Ministry
Playing games in order to get students to come to youth group is a terrible idea. If this approach works, it’ll require so much of your time and budget to maintain that you’ll have little energy left for relational ministry. If this approach fails, then you’ll be tempted to redouble your investment to get it right, or you’ll fall into a pit of frustration and bitterness.
Instead, utilize fun and games as one of the best ways to establish a gospel-culture in your ministry. That might be a surprising statement from a site called Youth Pastor Theologian, but it’s true. Fun is not the enemy, and it’s time for youth workers to sit down and really think about their approach to games as a discipleship tool in their ministry.
Why “Fun” Isn’t Helpful
I tried to ban the word “fun” from youth group a few years ago. It didn’t go well. But I was tired of people asking for more “fun” when I knew it wasn’t actually fun they were seeking. The group was fractured into multiple cliques, and the few students who flowed from one group to the others felt like they needed to make a choice about where they belonged. In the midst of this, students stopped coming because “youth group isn’t fun enough.”
I’ll admit I’m not the funnest of youth pastors. You could probably guess that about a guy who launched a website with this name. But we spent 1/3 of our time every week playing games in order to get students to interact and cheer for each other. When you put students who run in totally different circles on a team together, guess what happens? Either they avoid each other and fail, or they work together in order to win.
As long as you play games in order to persuade students to come, you’re going to struggle. Every week will need to be better and more fun than the week before. Usually, it’s the introverts and nerds who get overlooked and pushed to the margins, because the fun they enjoy isn’t exciting enough.
Excitement isn’t the goal of game time. To say it even more clearly – fun isn’t the purpose of games at youth group. This isn’t me saying that every game needs to have a “purpose,” as if it needs to have a spiritual connection to the Bible message in order to be meaningful portion of the night. Your games have inherent meaning when they are structured and executed in a way that unites students in a culture of joy. But if your games are a competition or if they bring embarrassment, then consider this an invitation to reconsider a better way.
When Students Complain
When students clamor for more fun, they aren’t usually complaining about the games you’re playing. This about it this way: a terrible game that’s played among friends is still fun, even though it’s a train wreck. And a great game that’s played by a group who doesn’t like each other is downright painful.
This is usually the case. But sometimes, you really might need better or newer games. Maybe you need to learn how to lead games more effectively. In my experience, the main reasons games fail are twofold, and they both take place before the game begins: You took too long explaining the rules, and you didn’t create good teams. Generally speaking, if a game takes more than three minutes to explain clearly, it’s probably best kept for a separate game night (not for a youth group gathering where teaching is going to get cut short if the game runs long).
If you aren’t sure whether or not students’ complaints are legit, talk with your team of youth workers after you’ve taught about the purpose of games: to bring students together and to establish your group’s culture. Together, review the times when games have gone well and when they haven’t. Discuss the games that seem to accomplish the above purpose, and add those to a “keep” list. Agree to put other games on a “never again” list and on a “game night” list. This way, you’ll be able to have a good way to evaluate which games are keepers, for special events, and which ones to avoid.
Consider showing the video I filmed for the Rooted Ministry and use that to launch a conversation with youth leaders and parents. There is also a chapter in Lead Them to Jesus about the role of fun and games in youth ministry that may be worth discussing together. Whatever avenue you take, you’ll want to highlight the deeper hunger students are asking for when they complain about a lack of fun. But be careful to avoid defensiveness, excuses, and bitterness.
Putting Games in Their Place
The purpose of fun and games in youth group should be to establish and cultivate a gospel-culture that unites students in the joy. The gospel brings freedom. It means you don’t need to be a “winner” to receive the crown of life. And it makes your enemy into a teammate. Every person’s strengths and passions are a gift to the body of Christ, even if they aren’t a hand or foot or mouth. These are biblical realities that can (and should) be reflected in our games.
At the same time, games that are over-competitive can fuel a toxic group culture where students (and leaders) who are “insiders” don’t even realize they are blatantly contradicting the gospel’s invitation to grace and joy to visitors. This is a tragically common anti-gospel culture that exists in many youth ministries. Introverts and non-athletes feel increasingly marginalized. Students avoid honest conversations with youth leaders because of how they handle conflict within the game time. And the cliques of friends are strengthened in their competition against one another for youth group supremacy.
And then there are the gross-out games we play. But we shouldn’t. This was made painfully obvious to me after a game night where we played gross games and overheard a visitor saying to her friend who brought her, “If this is how they treat people here, why would I want to return?” Ouch. Since that night, I’ve made a vow to never embarrass or humiliate a student through our games.
Additionally, students who are privately battling food insecurity watch all the food wasted during games and their shame deepens. They would love to eat the food that’s about to get poured onto someone’s face, but would never admit it. And now they won’t.
This might seem far-fetched. But these are real conversations and issues I’ve personally worked through over the last sixteen years. These aren’t exaggerations from someone who wants to be a kill-joy. If your youth ministry doesn’t have any fun, then your theology of youth ministry is lacking. Fun and games are not the enemy. Let us lead games in a way that unites students in joy and tears down the walls that separate them from genuine fellowship.
It’s hard to love someone you can’t laugh with. So before we ask kids to pray for one another, let them play. But lead your game time with a clear vision that draws them together into fellowship, not merely for the sake of excitement.
(note: if you enjoyed this article, you may also benefit from What is Attractional Youth Ministry? and Rethinking Attractional Youth Ministry)
